


The Cherry Blossoms Dance

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Love Confessions, M/M, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22116136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: Today, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. He was going to buy a bouquet of red roses too, but he thinks that pink flowers are more ‘him’. He uses faux pink flower petals as his earrings, and he has a lot of belongings with the design. He finds that they're closer to his heart, so he thinks it would be perfect if he just chooses the best background for the confession.He ordered a bouquet of pink flowers. Would it be an overkill to hand a bouquet when flower petals are already raining in the background? Aside from it, he already has another gift ready. It’s a necklace with a pink flower pendant. It’s really simple and it’s not the most expensive necklace Merlin can buy, but it was the first-ever necklace he has bought when he realized that he likes pink flowers. It was something that was special to him, so he wanted to give something like that. He remembers reading that people tend to like gifts with sentimental value…--In which even the great and amazing Merlin wants to try his best to deliver a sincere and heartfelt love confession under the cherry blossom trees.
Relationships: Merlin | Caster/Bedivere | Saber
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	The Cherry Blossoms Dance

**Author's Note:**

> I bought a super innocent and blushing violet-eyed face plate because I wanted to give my Merlin nendoroid all the possible facial expressions. How it looked gave me the vibe of an anime love confession under the cherry blossoms. You can see the photo here: https://twitter.com/irl_junko/status/1210932973710610432
> 
> So I thought, "Oh, I really want to write Merlin giving a detailed and heartwarming love confession like in that one anime scene."

Merlin checked himself in the mirror. He walks away. And then he comes back to check for the second time.

Although, more accurately, he already lost count how much he has looked at the mirror in the span of ten minutes.

It wasn’t like him to overthink his appearance. After all, he's Merlin, confident and amazing. He's a well-known upperclassman due to both his looks and abilities. He's that kind of ‘natural’, he hears. He doesn’t look like he's trying, yet he somehow still picks up on things faster than the others. He always seems to be more than a couple of steps ahead—people go to him to ask questions, to ask him to teach them lessons they don’t understand, and he does it with a lazy smile while twirling the pen with his fingers as if everything were nothing.

That’s the kind of person he is—naturally amazing. Yet he can’t keep checking himself again and again today. Because today, even someone like him who’s supposed to be ‘a natural’ wants to make sure everything is well-prepared.

Today, for the first time in his life, he's going to confess his feelings to someone.

Merlin isn’t a stranger to confessions. He continues to receive a lot of them weekly. He also was really flirty until recently and kept on going out on dates and entering relationships that last a week at most. But today is the first time that he's going to confess to someone he sincerely and wholeheartedly wants to be with. A week won’t be enough. This might be too soon to say, but he thinks this is the person he would want to bond with and learn more about every day until they both die of old age.

He checks himself in the mirror. Again. He's wearing the blazer he last wore when he traveled overseas. It was a cream-colored coat with buttons, but he wasn’t going to button it up today. He didn’t want to look too formal or too dressed up, but he also didn’t want to look like he didn’t try. He believed that this coat was the perfect balance of the two.

He felt maybe he should just take it off and wear his uniform like he does every day, but he fights the urge. He truly wants to make all of this special. Even if he's also trying to pull it off ‘naturally’.

Today, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. He was going to buy a bouquet of red roses too, but he thinks that pink flowers are more ‘him’. He uses faux pink flower petals as his earrings, and he has a lot of belongings with the design. He finds that they're closer to his heart, so he thinks it would be perfect if he just chooses the best background for the confession.

He ordered a bouquet of pink flowers. Would it be an overkill to hand a bouquet when flower petals are already raining in the background? Aside from it, he already has another gift ready. It’s a necklace with a pink flower pendant. It’s really simple and it’s not the most expensive necklace Merlin can buy, but it was the first-ever necklace he has bought when he realized that he likes pink flowers. It was something that was special to him, so he wanted to give something like that. He remembers reading that people tend to like gifts with sentimental value…

He's not very good at this stuff. He’s been accused as unfeeling and numb by past girlfriends before. So he doesn’t want to make the same mistake with this person.

For most of his life, he did actually believe that maybe he's unfeeling and numb. Maybe he really can’t feel like others can. He also believed that he will never understand the feeling of ‘love’ that people keep on talking about. But when he met this person, that’s when he realized that he isn’t too different, after all.

The overused and overly saccharine phrases that he hears, the physical sensations they said people in love will feel—they suddenly start to make sense. He was starting to think it was all just an exaggerated joke. Maybe mass hysteria. He can’t ever imagine feeling his heart beating fast in anticipation just because he loves someone so much.

But when he started feeling it when he saw that person smile at him with such sincerity, when he felt that warmth in his chest and on his face, he thought that maybe they weren’t exaggerating, after all. When he stayed up that night, replaying the smile in his head again and again, when he couldn’t sleep because he keeps on giddily giggling to himself, he finalized that they were describing accurate sensations. Moreover, they were also completely on point by saying that it starts unexpectedly. For one, this whole crush began with that smile. That smile full of honesty and warmth, directed to no one else but him. The smile of no one else but his dear friend Bedivere.

Then it all snowballed from there. They started spending more time together because they're in the same friend group, and so Merlin got to observe Bedivere closer. Bedivere had this caring, almost motherly, energy that no one else in their group has. He works hard at whatever is thrown at him and eyes everything with unrivaled sincerity. He's the type of person who gives his heart in everything he does. The moment Merlin spent almost every day with him, albeit it wasn’t just the two of them, it was pretty much difficult to not fall in love with him.

If anything, each time Bedivere smiles at him, Merlin feels he falls even deeper in love.

And so, yesterday, he told Bedivere to meet him after school in the courtyard today. Bedivere didn’t ask why. He just said that he’ll be there. He must have assumed Merlin needed his assistance in something because that’s just the kind of person he is—he just helps out everyone when he can. He remembers a particular instance when Arthur—another person in their friend group, Merlin’s friend from childhood—fell sick, Bedivere commuted a total of four hours and braved the holiday-induced traffic just to bring food to him. Merlin can’t even fathom the level of care that he's capable of showing.

The entire day, Merlin couldn’t stop thinking of afterschool. He received a lot of compliments on his coat, even Bedivere said it looked great when they met during lunch, but his mind is already trying to rehearse the confession that he carefully wrote down and revised again and again. He thinks this needs careful preparation because he's trying to pass off as natural but at the same time, he wants to convey his sincerity.

Someone as sincere as Bedivere would definitely appreciate honesty. Even he recognizes that.

“Is everything all right?” Merlin’s thoughts get interrupted by the voice of none other than Bedivere himself. Merlin was sitting across him, and he was seated next to Arthur, while they wait for the rest of their other friends to finish buying their food. Merlin isn’t really hungry. It must be the excitement. But he had an apple in his hand at least. “You seem to be spacing out quite a lot today…”

Merlin chuckles. He can feel the familiar warmth on his face again. Bedivere is just too much of a sweetheart. “Yup! I'm all right! Just thinking of something. Thank you for your concern, Bedi.”

Bedivere still looked worried, but he nods and resumes his conversation with Arthur. Merlin doesn’t know what they might be talking about, but he’ll just catch up tomorrow. For now, his mind really can’t focus on anything but his imagined rehearsal.

When afterschool finally comes, he meets up with a girl from another class. Leonardo da Vinci. She never bothered to hide her disdain for him. She has declared a (one-sided) rivalry against him because they both build and craft a lot of inventions. But this time, they met for business. He doesn’t have the details, but despite being a student, she’s somehow in charge of the school’s shop. A month ago, he has already forwarded to her a very specific set of instructions regarding the bouquet he wants. She has criticized him, asking him if he even knew what the flowers he picked meant or if he simply picked it for the aesthetic.

In all honesty, he's only giving Bedivere pink flowers because he, Merlin, likes pink flowers. He felt that since it’s something he likes, it means a lot that he's offering it to someone else. He didn’t bother tailor-fitting the flowers to coordinate with whatever he might mean. But that must be why he has been called selfish in the past by the others who have been with him, why he was told that he doesn’t understand normal emotions. Da Vinci said that people usually think of the recipient’s wishes when giving gifts. Moreover, they bother to pick appropriate flowers.

“Even if I dislike you,” he remembers her saying. “I can’t let you do this.”

That’s how she forcefully educated him on what the meaning of his flower choices was. Pink camellias apparently mean longing, pink carnations say ‘I’ll never forget you’, pink hyacinths mean playful joy.

“See? Do you seriously want to tell the person you're confessing to that the joy you get from them is nothing but playful? I don’t know you intimately, but you already have a very widespread playboy reputation. Even so, what I know is that you’ve never exerted this much effort for your past conquests. I don’t need to be a genius to see that you're trying to be more serious about this.”

“Haha,” He remembers trying to laugh it off even if he knows that she makes sense. “Well, I know that that’s not why I picked it. And besides, I don’t think he's well-versed in the language of flowers. I'm not either. So by giving these flowers, I'm not speaking that language, and he's not hearing that language either. Like that, it’s okay, right?”

“No.” She snaps. “Actually, you know what, I don’t care anymore. I'm just a shopkeeper. I'm just trying to put a bit of art in it, help make this more sentimental, more… beautiful. But if the customer isn’t interested, then…”

“Haha, okay, my bad, I get it! I'm just saying, if he doesn’t understand, what's the point?”

“That’s why you'll make him understand, right?”

So Merlin agrees to remove the pink hyacinths. She replaces it with soft pink roses that symbolize admiration.

The bouquet that he received from her today is exactly what they talked about after she added the suggestions that he approved. The sweetness of the fresh flowers was impossible to mask. He felt his giddiness rise once again the moment he carefully receives the bouquet. She decorated it with a black ribbon because Merlin noticed that Bedivere always accessorizes himself with one, concluding that he must like them. She said she was already going to do it before he even asked because she already figured out who it was, genius that she is.

When Merlin reaches the courtyard, Bedivere was already there under a cherry blossom tree. Merlin almost froze on his knees when he saw the sight. Bedivere in his school uniform, the cherry blossom petals falling behind him, and him meeting Merlin’s eyes. His eyes were filled with curiosity. Not a hint of impatience that it was Merlin who arrived late even if he was the one who invited Bedivere.

“Hello, Bedivere.” Merlin manages to say. First mistake of the afternoon is his tardiness. He hopes it isn’t a bad omen. Luckily, he manages to speak properly even if his heart wants to leap out of his chest. He knew that cherry blossoms were beautiful, he knew that Bedivere was beautiful, but seeing them together was still too much. “Sorry I'm late. I had to fetch this.”

“It’s all right. I thought something happened.” Bedivere curiously eyes the bouquet. “What are the flowers for?”

“Ah, haha, they're for you.” Merlin hands him the bouquet. Bedivere blinks and takes the bouquet in his hands, confusion evident in his eyes. “Do you like them?”

“Well… They're very pretty. But I'm still confused what they're for. Do you need me to pass them to someone?”

“Oh, no! They really are for you. If it’s not too much, please accept them.”

“Oh… thank you…” Bedivere holds the bouquet closer to himself, albeit still confused. “Why, though? It’s not my birthday or anything… I'm very grateful, sorry if I don’t sound like it, I'm just very confused.”

“Right, I suppose it’s a bit strange to suddenly receive a gift when there's no occasion.” For some reason, the things that Merlin rehearsed the entire day are threatening to leave his head. He can’t hear anything but the loud beating of his heart. “It’s… well, haha. A gift. Because… you know.”

He can’t believe it. He, the great and amazing Merlin, is starting to feel nervous. He's trying to recall what he was obsessively rehearsing from last night to this day, but he already fell out of the script. The first step was to arrive first in the courtyard, look at Bedivere with a loving smile while holding the bouquet as he approaches, hand him the flowers while delivering a normal and usual greeting. He would say, “Thank you, Merlin, these are beautiful.” And Merlin would say, “Haha, really? I think you're more beautiful than them, though.” And then Bedivere would blush and ask what he meant by that, embarrassed. And then, and then, Merlin would say, “I meant it as it is.” And then, he will deliver the long speech that he carefully wrote and eagerly watch Bedivere’s reaction—

Bedivere hums and tilts his head. The simple action brought Merlin back to his senses. “I'm sorry… I don’t quite understand.”

“You know.” Merlin uselessly repeats. His mouth feels so heavy. The loud beating in his ears seems to just grow louder. It’s not as easy as he thought, but he supposes that’s the beauty of it. “…Haha, I prepared so many fancy words for this, but right now, all I can seem to remember is that I like you.”

“H-Huh?”

“Haha, yeah! Sorry, that’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?” He can’t believe this. His hands are actually shaking. He forces them to the pocket of his pants to hide them. “I like you. That’s what I said. I never thought that I’d be capable of feeling something like that. I always thought that people were exaggerating when they described what they said they were feeling for the person that they liked, but… Well, you only had to smile at me for me to realize that maybe I'm just like everyone else.”

Bedivere holds the bouquet tighter. “Merlin…”

“Not that that’s a bad thing, of course! I always thought I was just meant to be some outsider who can’t fully understand the others around me. So when I found that I can, you know, feel what everyone else is talking about… relate to the love songs everyone keeps playing nonstop… haha, I was so happy I thought my heart was going to burst! I think, for the first time, I finally understand what everyone was saying! I wasn’t coughing up words of endearment for people I didn’t know anymore. All of a sudden, it felt wrong to flirt and flirt aimlessly. If anything, even flirting with _you_ felt wrong. Maybe it’s just because I made flirting seem too insincere and playful, so that’s probably on me. But yup, I wanted to take you seriously, haha! I want to compliment you because I mean it and not because I just want to make you blush, I want to shower you with gifts because I want you to use them and not because I'm trying to buy your favor, I want to touch you because I want to feel you close to me and not just because I'm trying to sleep with you.”

Bedivere holds the bouquet closer to himself.

“Even now, all I want to do is shower you with praise. You're so simple yet so beautiful. It’s amazing how you do it! I think I'm the type of person who always wears things that make me not blend in very well. I was told that that was one of the reasons I was desirable. I had this sense of otherness in me, apparently. Like I'm someone who’s untouchable, someone who walks my own path. So I thought that that was what beauty was. But you're the type of person who does his best to not stand out, to make himself welcoming and not the slightest intimidating, to be the type of person who’s approachable by everyone even if you yourself are shy. But even so, if I were to be asked, that makes you very beautiful. When I realized that, I felt so confused, and I couldn’t understand why anyone would even think that being an outsider is beautiful.” Merlin chuckles. “You're amazing. You don’t discriminate whoever it is. You made even an outsider like me feel like it’s okay to touch you, that it’s okay to regard you as my friend. Bedivere… You're the only one who made me feel this way. You're the only one who smiled at me and pulled me from where I was content with being a spectator. Instead of letting me read the book that everyone wrote, you showed me that I can write too. All because you smiled at me and handed me the pen.”

Merlin takes a deep breath and smiles. He wants to show Bedivere a smile as warm as the one he always shows Merlin. “I'm in love with you, Bedivere. I'm proudly wielding the pen that you gave me. If you will grant me the honor, will you write together with me?”

Bedivere’s eyes were quivering. Merlin realized too late that he was crying. Did Merlin say anything wrong? Or is Bedivere too moved? There are too many reasons people could cry, and Merlin has never been good at reading emotions. The objective fact that Bedivere is crying is making him feel nervous.

“Merlin…”

“Yes?”

Bedivere can’t speak right away. He almost seemed like he was trying to hide himself using the bouquet. Each second of anticipation is doing nothing to ease Merlin’s growing nervousness. The deafening heartbeat that already quieted down the moment he started pouring out his feelings came back as if with a desire to double its intensity.

“I…” Bedivere forcefully wipes his tears. “I love Arthur.”

He must keep a smile on his face.

“Ah.”

He must keep a smile on his face.

“I'm sorry. I don’t know what to say. I'm really sorry, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He must keep a smile on his face. “There's nothing to be sorry for.”

“I hurt you. I hurt you very badly. I'm sorry. You don’t deserve this, Merlin.”

Merlin always keeps on smiling. “Haha, I'm telling you it’s okay, Bedi! I know you'll never want to hurt anyone. Don’t be sorry for what you feel, okay?”

“But I made you cry. You were always smiling. You're crying now. It’s my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry.”

Oh. Huh?

His hand immediately fly up to his face. He's crying? Merlin? He can’t even remember the last time he cried. He has already accepted that he's just not the type who cries. He underwent breakups, faced scathing insults, watched partings all with a vacant smile. He can’t imagine crying.

But he is.

“It’s not your fault, Bedi.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I'm really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Bedi.”

“If you want the bouquet back—”

“No! No, please, please keep it, okay? I bought it especially for you.” Da Vinci advised him to talk about the meaning of the flowers, but he doesn’t think he can do it right now. “Camellia, carnation, roses. I chose them especially for you.”

Bedivere respectfully nods, as if he's taking mental note of the flowers Merlin mentioned. “Thank you. I’ll treasure them.”

“Only if it’s fine, I’d like to give you this as well. But if the idea makes you uncomfortable, then it’s fine.” Merlin takes out the box of the necklace from his pocket. In his imagination, Merlin would be personally putting the necklace on him and then giving him a kiss on his forehead.

But a lot of written stories are fictional, he supposes.

“It’s a necklace. It’d make me really happy if you'd accept it.”

Bedivere takes the box from his hand. Their skins touch. Bedivere is still so soft and warm even now.

“Thank you, Merlin. I’ll treasure it too. Thank you, and I'm sorry.”

\--

“Merlin?”

“Oh. Bedivere?”

“You're hiding here? That’s no good. You should participate in the festival too. Everyone prepared so many booths…”

“Haha! I'm fine watching. What are you doing here anyway?”

“I heard that you're here in the rooftop. I came here to invite you.”

“Invite? Me?”

“Yes. It’s a waste if you're going to stay here the entire time.”

“Oh. Haha. I don’t know. I’ve always just been watching these past years… I'm fine here in the rooftop. I can see everything here anyway.”

“It’s better up close. But ah…” Bedivere bites his lower lip. “Am I being too pushy? I don’t want to annoy you… It’s just that Arthur said you liked flowers, and there's a booth downstairs where you can take photos with a lot of them. I found it really beautiful. I thought you might want to experience it… but if I'm bothering you, it’s okay to say so.”

“Experience, huh…” Merlin blinks. “Well, why not. I do love flowers.”

Bedivere smiles. Bedivere smiles so warmly. Merlin realized as early as that moment that no flower would ever rival that sight.

And as Merlin stood by himself under the beautiful cherry blossom tree, as the cherry blossoms dance and fall on his hand where there was nothing, he realized that that would always be right.

\--

Maybe it’s okay to write fictional stories.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the infamous 'I love Emilia' scene.


End file.
